One time, I slept on a futon with three of my best friends.
It was kind of like the time I slept on the top bunk bed with my two sisters, except I wasn’t 8; I was 23. And it was awesome
All sleepovers are awesome, in theory. But as we all know, they can turn nasty quick. Try to shaving cream some sleeping biddie at your party and you may quickly realize she’s fully awake and coming at you with her fists. Not cool.
But sleepovers don’t have to be like that if you just get a little fancy with them. So without further poor storytelling… wait, come on, one more? Please? OK, real quick. Continue reading
Heyoh! Happy May times! What a great month this is. Everyone is masturbating, and graduating, and it is just a cool time to be a young person, no?
It’s also a cool time to be fancy. Of course, you can be fancy while masturbating, but I can’t talk about that right now. This is a family column, and by that I mean my mama reads this, and so there will be no talk of that, fancy or not. Continue reading
Your mom was a feminist before you were and she’s got the ashy remains of her 1960’s brassiere to prove it. Sure, she may have buckled under the force of societal convention since she had you, but you better believe that back in her day she was a fierce second-waver gettin’ all up in the face of The Man. How do you think you were conceived, anyway? Hello – SEXUAL REVOLUTION.
So, feminists, next time you’re taking back the night at a Slut Walk remember this: Your mom was getting paid less than her male counterparts since before you were born. She was fighting for gender equality before you even knew how to spell patriarchy.
Next week is the celebration of your mom, the original feminist. Yes, Mother’s Day is less than a week away. No need to panic; Mislabeled has all the latest polling data on exactly what mom wants this Mother’s Day. According to a survey commissioned by The Mom Complex, (whatever that is) 57% of moms consider a break from housework the ultimate Mother’s Day gift, which is hard to believe since we all know much women like Scrubbing Bubbles.
Anyway, if you’re in the vast minority and hate cleaning as much as I do, have no fear. Second on Mom’s wish list is a “homemade gesture” (42%). That’s right, start stringing your macaroni necklaces now, biddies, and you’re sure to be Mom’s new favorite come May 8th! Handwritten notes and home-cooked meals also count, but are frowned upon as they are far less fashionable, unless you are writing your Mother’s Day card on this oh-you-fancy-huh stationary.
This post brought to you by Kelsey and inspired by DADS, the original hipsters.
Today, as you all know, is the event that will not be named*.
If you came to Mislabeled thinking we would be gushing about the event we shall not name, well you should just get lost. Go to another blog that will exploit some poor couple’s event to get page views. We don’t stoop that low. We are too fancy (AND AMERICAN) to care about nasty people who tax other people who aren’t represented. (Sorry, Republicans, today I’m not talking about you.)
OK, with that out of the way. LET’S TALK ABOUT WEDDINGS! Continue reading
Are you sick and tired of rape?? Can I get a “Hell yeah!” (Ed note: Hell yeah!)
Okay, so here’s the plan: we all get guns and become vigilante rapist killers! It’ll be awesome, just like the Girls of Old Town in Sin City, ya know!?! Omg and I’m totally getting a pink gun– DIBS!
Hey fancies! Welcome back to your favorite Friday fancy stuff. Say that three times fast, and then you can win….. Continue reading
Hello, all you fancy people! Are you ready for some fanciness? Are you ready to see some things we desperately need, because we like to be fancy, whatever that means?
I don’t think you’re ready. In fact, first I have to say that some of you shouldn’t even be here. If you’ve already thought: CONSUMERISM SUCKS! I need you to walk away. I need you to click the x on the box and just go read some other bullshit. Because you don’t belong here. You don’t understand.
OK, now that -those- people have left, we can get down to the fancy things. Continue reading