The Infamous Mr. Tucker Max

14 Jun

While I may be a little late to jump on the Tucker Max bandwagon, my usually not-so-outspoken-self felt slightly compelled to address one of the most frequently asked questions I received after reading his book: isn’t it really degrading towards women?

The short answer to this obvious objection is yes, it is really degrading towards women if you consider the fact that he frequently references different women as a “fatty” or looking like she “ate a two by four.” But, beneath the objectifying misogynistic idiot is an ounce of comedic genius: taking a tape recorder out when blackout drunk and watch the alcohol-induced fireworks explode.

I started reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell two weeks ago after I sampled what I freely admit was an absolutely hilarious story about going to a bar – with the specific intention of drinking to exceed the legal limit to drive – with a cordless breathalyzer. The story ends with Tucker in a sushi bar doing shots while pantsless, though he doesn’t realize it.  In my own personal drunken experiences, I’ve wished some events had been recorded and a handful of others, including my own rendition of “Drunk History,” that I really wish hadn’t been. Bottom line is that alcohol and a recording device always produce entertaining results. The idea of collecting these inebriated tales seemed like a pretty brilliant idea, and to some degree it is. But, only if you can get past the fact that a fair majority of the women he takes advantage of either solicit him for his “services” or are different shades of entirely unintelligent and ignorant. In all honesty, I was able to tune this bro banter out and see the stories for exactly what they are: drunken stupidity.

My final feelings on the book were the exact opposite of many of my friends. While they were left feeling like Mr. Max is a total douche bag who routinely exploited women (a sentiment I strongly agree with), I ended the book feeling somewhat empowered — precisely because he is such an asshole. I was left feeling like a decent human being! That’s a rare occurrence in New York. Then it really hit me. I remembered several specific instances where I’ve been just as quick to judge and hurl insults as Mr. Tucker Max. In my defense, I tend to direct them at people who are truly evil, like my ex-girlfriend, but I’m not perfect. Every once in a while someone gets blindsided by an unintentional insult.

Nonetheless, I was shocked at just how incredibly ignorant and arrogant this guy is, but then again, that’s what made it entertaining to read and what made me feel like a semi-respectable human being. What kind of twisted logic is this?! There is no doubt that he is intelligent and no, I would not want to get into an argument with him because he would tear me to shreds and leave me feeling like a heap of insecurities, as other women who’ve confronted him can attest. I am by no means immune to insults or insecurities, but here is a man who thinks he has every woman figured out, ranked on a five-star scale of hotness, intelligence, and sexual abilities. Really, Tucker? Is that all there is to us? Here’s a shocking headline: a man underestimates the capabilities of a woman. Here’s an even bigger shocker: several women in his book get back at him.

In the end, this book is about a guy who thinks he has women figured out, and unfortunately by his experience, he does. He continues to objectify and degrade women, yet miraculously continues to be sexually solicited. But really, Tucker Max is a frat boy raving about his sexual conquests (big surprise) and although my book would be much shorter than his, the truth is that everyone can attack someone else’s insecurities (and it’s not too often that you find someone who hasn’t done exactly that at least once). It’s just not everyone writes a book about it. I refer to Ms. Norbury (of Mean Girls) for a brief explanation of how women perpetuate a cycle of name-calling which in turn legitimizes the use of the same language by men:

Ms. Norbury: Ok, so we’re all here ’cause of this book, right? Well, I don’t know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores. Who here has ever been called a slut? [Karen raises her hand proudly]

While this little comparison might not solve the problem that is Tucker Max, the take away is just as true: no self-respecting woman should ever sleep him! The best thing you can do to an idiot like this is to deny him his main source of material. It seems to me that there aren’t enough women who just walk away and let the idiot be. The phrase, “Never get into a fight with an idiot because he will drag you down and beat you with experience,” comes to mind. Words will never hurt me, nor should they hurt you, since words (and a penis) are the only thing Tucker Max has.

Put simply, the guy wouldn’t have written a book if he was a virgin but he’d probably still be an idiot. So maybe it’s due to my blind optimism and crude sense of humor that I enjoyed reading about his drunken stupidity or perhaps it’s because it’s just the same shit from a different asshole who happened to write it all down.

This post is brought to you by Meghan, who is a lesbian and knows more about women than Tucker Max.

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One Response to “The Infamous Mr. Tucker Max”

  1. bootsielon February 20, 2012 at 2:59 am #

    The following should be at the beginning of this article: “This post is brought to you by Meghan, who is a lesbian and knows more about women than Tucker Max.” It would certainly save time (and pain) to a lot of people.

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