Monday, May 9, 4:50 PM (Note: This conversation has not been edited)
Peter: I’m bummin’ this week
Me: HEY! why don’t you come with me tomorrow night to hear three smart n’ funny ladies read over on the other side of town
Peter: What are they reading?
Me: does it matter? they’ll be entertaining i promise
Peter: Well, last time we you took me to “smart n’ funny reading”, it turned out to be the Vagina Monologues, and the only thing to eat were vaginas.
Peter: Cookies, I mean. Vagina cookies. With black icing pubic hair.
Me: ahhh whatevs, it’s been six years. get over it.
Me: you’re a better man because of it i’m pretty sure. fact.
Peter: And then you made me stay for the discussion! Where I had to defend all men, everywhere, for 55 uncomfortable minutes. I’ve never apologized so much in my life!
Peter: OH AND THE WOMAN WHO KEPT ASKING ME HOW MY PENIS FELT.
Peter: GOD, WHY am I still your friend?
Me: because I never told a soul that you took SIX vagina cookies home with you in case you got “hungry”…but come to think of it…
Peter: FINE. What time are we going?
Me: i’ll pick u up at 7
Peter: FINE. But if they ask me how my penis feels, I’m going to tell them the truth this time.
Me: what’s the truth?
Peter: That for seven months, when I was 21, the most vagina action I got was from COOKIES and I’m OK WITH THAT.
This post brought to you by Belle, who is the Daughter of Artists. (The Truth about Peter originally appeared there, and is re-posted with permission.)