Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Southern Style!!

19 Apr

Are you sick and tired of rape??  Can I get a “Hell yeah!” (Ed note: Hell yeah!)

Okay, so here’s the plan: we all get guns and become vigilante rapist killers!  It’ll be awesome, just like the Girls of Old Town in Sin City, ya know!?!  Omg and I’m totally getting a pink gun– DIBS!

As you may have suspected, I didn’t come up with ingenious idea all by my little old self!  The inspiration for my lady gang of sexy gunslingers came from Regis Giles, founder of Girls Just Wanna Have Guns, a web company that hopes to inspire women to defend themselves through T-shirts and other junk with this cute logo!

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns isn’t just about sweet shit that demonstrates one’s devotion to the Second Amendment- no, it is mostly about the inspiring story of Regis herself, who has brutally slaughtered countless defenseless animals.  You go girl!!  In her interview with CNN, Regis discusses her years of training to become the vicious rapist killer that she is today, and even gives us some exclusive insight into her style choices! (What to wear when hunting bear!  Advice every lady needs!)

Oh yeah, and don’t get things mixed up now, gals- just because you are about to embark on a man-killing mission, this philosophy of self-defense is NOT about feminism.  Remember, “women, ya know, have a certain role in society and men have a certain role in society and [that’s] not a bad thing at all”.  That’s right, societal subordination of women to men, or institutionalized rape, as I sometimes like to call it, is perfectly natural, but when those norms are brought to their logical conclusion of men physically forcing themselves upon women for sexual pleasure, that’s where we draw the line, sisters!

Also, please ignore all those facts about women getting raped by friends, intimate partners and family members the overwhelming majority of the time and go out and get yourself this adorable Colt .25 Automat, which fits conveniently into your thong to give you a false sense of “empowerment”.  Or you could pick up this very lady-like rhinestone encrusted gun so that your attacker will be thinking “Oh you fancy, huh?” as you pump his dirtbag guts full of lead.  Lock and load, ladies.

This post was brought to you by Alexa, who was listening to renegade while she wrote this.

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One Response to “Sexual Assault Awareness Month: Southern Style!!”

  1. recriminator April 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Thelma and Louise. They’re coming to Toronto soon, anyway….

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