What are women good for? Making babies, of course.

13 Apr

It never fails. Whenever we go to business related functions for my husbands’ job, whenever I’m at the grocery store and some nosy soccer mom wants to be chatty, or even amongst my own relatives, the questions is always: ‘So when are you going to have another one?’

Another what? Another job? Another house? Another dog? Oh, you mean another child. Because we all know that making babies is not only a women’s talent, it’s our God-given DUTY. My husband and I have one child and we are quite happy with him. He’s cute as a button, funny as hell, and a perfect blend of sass and class. He is everything we could have ever wanted. WHY on earth would we ruin that with a second?

see? cute as a button.

It never ceases to amaze me when people who don’t know me ask such personal questions. And it’s usually asked before they even know my name or ask my profession. While some may think it’s an innocent question and small talk, I actually get highly irritated and think it’s downright rude. Small talk to me means issues related to weather, current events, and upcoming vacations. Not, ‘when are you and your husband going to get it on and produce offspring?’

Ew.

Contrary to popular belief, we do not want another playmate for him. He has a 36-year-old playmate, also named Daddy, and that works just fine. I want to go to grad and/or law school, my husband is contemplating med school, we want to travel and do a whole lot of things that do not involve having more children. We want to be there for every one of our son’s school plays, sporting events and be able to give him an amazing life. This ideology gets harder to maintain when you start having more…

And while our son absolutely loves babies and would be a great big brother, the three of us are quite happy with one another. He asks for another dog (every other day) far more than he ever asks for another sibling (only when he sees a cute baby).

Years down the road, we may change our minds and our son may convince us that he’s ready for a sibling. I’ve learned to never say never. Things happen and I could turn into a baby factory and totally forget about our life plan of raising an only child and retiring early to move to a developing country to do charity work. We could turn into the Duggars and realize our lives are meaningless unless I give birth to another kid each year.

The likelihood of that happening? About as likely as DC being granted statehood.

All of this is to say that I’m 25, and I have plenty of baby-making years left, should I choose to use them. As of right now, I don’t plan on it, SO STOP ASKING!!!

Unless of course, I get divorced and Jon Kyl asks me to be his baby momma. I’d have his baby in a heartbeat. (#NotIntentedToBeAFactualStatement)

This rant brought to you by Maureen.

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