OH YOU FANCY HUH? Then let’s go swimming

8 Apr

Hey fancies! Welcome back to your favorite Friday fancy stuff. Say that three times fast, and then you can win…..

An above-ground pool that isn’t totes ugly!!!!!!! (!!!!!)

Yes, it may not be swimming season yet, but it is coming. We must prepare. And this pool is a must-have. So while you may have to stop eating all that homemade butter if you want to fit into last year’s bathing suit… wait, what am I saying? Keep eating that homemade butter. That shit is fancy. And probably more enjoyable than any ridiculous bathing suit anyway. If it doesn’t fit, SKINNY DIP!

This pool is even fancier, and I highly recommend it from non-personal experience.

Maybe these pools don’t suit your backyard’s view. Maybe, like me, you don’t even have a backyard. YOU CAN STILL GO SKINNY DIPPING. And you can be hipster while you do it. Now hipster does not always mean fancy, but in this case, it does. Because what is fancier than a dumpster pool? Nothing!

OK but when you’re done in your dumpster pool, you need to get clean. You should use this insect-repellant soap, so that any bugs or creeps stay far away.

Then you should put on these shoes and walk around for a while.

Maybe put on an awesome bow tie, too. This is especially fancy because you get to wear the sunglasses everyone else has, but you’re cooler because, you know, it’s a bow tie. Ladies and gentlemen, it doesn’t get any fancier than bow ties.

When you get tired of swimming in dumpsters and showering and putting on bow ties, sit your ass down on this fancy $85,000, three-seat suspended, black leather sofa. It’s almost one a kind, as only a few were made in the late 1950s. So yes, you need to have it. It’s also easy to vacuum under, because there aren’t any legs! Ladies, I know you love cleaning, so you should appreciate this.

Then pour yourself some Cocoa Krispies in a bowl that is probably God’s gift to me. No longer will the milk ruin the crispiness of your sugary cereal. Because you’re fancy. Oh yes, you are.

THE END!

This post is brought to you by Rachel, who dreams of eating Cocoa Krispies in her dumpster pool.

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2 Responses to “OH YOU FANCY HUH? Then let’s go swimming”

  1. Jaime VanEnkevort April 8, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

    This was hilarious and awesome. I’m buying that first pool.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. WOOD new shoes make you happy?? « mislabeled - April 25, 2011

    […] pre-summer, i-just-tried-on-last-year’s-bikini blues!! (My ass has grown out of it, btw. If it doesn’t fit, SKINNY DIP, AMIRITE?) Thank you for sending me this little pick-me-up right to my inbox so I can be pro-active […]

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