Sincerely, The Pie and the Gullet

9 Mar

As young ladies, we wrote to our pen pals. As young activists, we write to our senators. And as young women, we should write to the very same people who give us a reason to call ourselves feminists.

By now, you may have seen this Jezebel post, or through some other means found out about the vile, disgusting “filth” that is an email being circulated around the USC campus, and now the world, via social media. A member from the University of Southern California’s Kappa Sigma fraternity sent a memo to his brothers informing them of the instating of a weekly Gullet Report.

What is a “Gullet Report,” you might be asking yourself? And what’s a “gullet” for that matter?

Well, my friends, I will have to quote the “Ksig” himself:

Gullet: Usually refers to a target’s mouth and throat. Most often pertains to a target’s throat capacity and it’s ability to gobble cock. If a target is known to have a good gullet, it can deep-throat dick extremely well. My advice is to seek out this target early in the night. Good Gullet Girls (GGG) are always scooped up well before last call.

(Sidebar: As offended as I was reading this, I was also offended that he co-opted Dan Savage’s GGG, which is supposed to mean Good, Giving, and Game. Dick.)

As you may have been able to infer, the “target” is a female. The email is full of all sorts of colorful phrases for women and their genitalia, but I’ll leave it for you to read, because I’m afraid of what might happen if I read it again.

While the “incident” is still under investigation by Ksig’s national organization, the email is going viral – and I’d venture to say the Kappa Sigma guys are too, because as the author writes, “no feeling on earth can compare to a warm piece of pie coming in contact with your cock. Let’s be honest, if it isn’t raw it isn’t real. Drawbacks of this philosophy are that you may have to visit the clinic more often than not, but a quick penicillin shot really isn’t that bad (trust me).”

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we have easy access to their contact information, including their phone numbers and house address – because they put it all on their website.

I am proposing we start a letter-writing and phone calling campaign, to which you can address your letters here:

Kappa Sigma Delta Eta, USC Chapter

928 W 28th St

Los Angeles, CA 90007

If you happen to be in the Los Angeles area, their website also provides directions to their home, so I suggest you stop by and pay them a visit. If pie is what they’re looking for, I’d give it to them – a pie in the face with your left hand followed by a punch in the face with the right. But hey, I shouldn’t be inciting violence.

SO! PEN PALS! What are we going to do? Should we draft a form letter that you can print and send? Should we send them small boxes filled with rotten eggs or ziplocks of used tampons?

Give us your ideas and start licking envelopes!

This post is brought to you by Tara, who is the queen of pie.

5 Responses to “Sincerely, The Pie and the Gullet”

  1. Tara March 9, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

    Important thing to include in your letters:

    Non-consent IS rape.

    • alexa March 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

      I completely agree on the co-opting GGG. (!@#$%^&*)

      Great work Tara, you’ve inspired me to get writing/ take a crap in a box… (sorry postperson!!)

  2. mislabeled March 11, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    Update, update, read all about it —


  1. USC Grad Students, FTW « mislabeled - March 11, 2011

    […] mislabeled ← Sincerely, The Pie and the Gullet LikeBe the first to like this […]

  2. I guess I’m glad I’m not European? « mislabeled - May 17, 2011

    […] talk time.  Don’t you find this hilariously ironic?  I mean really!  The USA.  Home to Kappa Sigma, Texas, and this guy… is being portrayed as a country that harshly cracks down on men’s […]

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